Dreaming Neon Black

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 17:06:22 GMT

SO anyway, life is boring.
Havent updated in a while.
Figured I would.
So i'm at my dads, girlfriends house. Her and her kids are making breakfast in the kitchen like a Martha Stewart nightmare! So i've retreated into the playroom where there is bearly quiet from their crazy spanish music... I must say, they do have a beautiful home compared to mine... I guess thats all for now...
: /

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 13:07:26 GMT

Basic Info
Name: Kelsey Karen Brown
Birthdate: September 25, 1989
Sex: Crazy cat lady at the end of your street
Eye Color: Green/Hazel
Hair Color: Brown/dirty blonde/blonde
Height: 5'4"
Where were you born: Biddeford, Maine
Current Location: Kennebunk, Maine
Piercings: ears : [
Tatoos: NONE! :' [
Nicknames: Momma?
Favorites
Animal: Doggies
Band: I have too many, but i must say Jake is absolutly stunning on a guitar!
Singer: Too many, once again
Type of Music: Classical, Oldies, Power Metal
TV Show: Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends and Two-A-Days
Type of Movie: Scary
Movie: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
TV Genre: Reality
Song: Where is my Mind - The Pixies
Drink: Apple Cider
Fast Food Restaurant: BK on the highway!!!
Restaurant in General: Ruby Tuesdays
Food: Cheese and crackers iwth a nice glass of milk
Favorite Car: BMW X5
Store: I shop just about everywhere...
Mall: Is there any other?
Sport: Football
Team: NY Giants?
Athlete: Shawn?
Color: Green
Book: Other than Catcher in the Rye, i've loved them all
Subject: Psychology and Creative Writting
Relationship
Relationship Status: Married...
If in relationship, [with] who?: Shawn Ingham
Do you have a crush?: sure, but doesnt everyone...
Last relationship lasted how long?: on and off for about 5 months
When did it end?: Jannuary of 06
Number of ex bf/gf?: 2, well... alot more if you count all the other ones that didnt last over a month...
Straight/Gay/Bi?: Straight, but i'd f*ck Keira Knightley
In a guy/girl
Hair Color: Doesnt matter
Length of Hair: I could care less, depends on what you look good with...
Eye Color: Bright eyes, or if they are dark they still have to speak out to me from across the room! - HAHA!
Height: Taller than me
Weight: Not skinnier than me, but not wicked fat... : /
Style of clothing?: Sucker for skater boys : [
Type of music?: Same as me (a wide variety)
Totally Random Stuff
Do you drink?: Yup
Do you smoke?: Yes : [
Have you been drunk?: OHH Yes!
Have you been high?: Yea
Do you play a sport?: Dance
Do you play an instrument?: Nope
Can you sing?: Hell yes! I can belt out a hella tune every now and again!
Can you dance?: well i can in dance team, but out in the club - f-dat
Do you consider yourself an artsy person?: yea i guess so O_o
Do you drive?: Yup I do!
What kind of car do you drive?: 86' Volvo
What do you want to become when you get out of school?: A criminal psychologist
Current Clothing: Thermal PJ pants and a wife beater
Current Music: The Jeep Song - Dresden Dolls
What are your bad qualities?: Moody as all hell, very shy, and i'm a fucking cunt when the occasion calls for it
What are your good qualities?: Very open
Most appealing feature: My spunk?

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 02:14:14 GMT

Go Kelsey, you've officially fucked up every aspect of your life!
I'm so fucked over by everyone I could possibly have ever known, even myself. Life fucking sucks, i have no one, literally. I'm fucked up all the time, my grades are the same as they were last year, and i'm ready to fucking jump off my roof, get into a coma, and then when all this shit has fucking past pop out a few kids and die with a few scars. I've faced the fact that while i'm in this shithole town i'm going nowhere fast! I'm fat, i'm not myself, i'm droopy, and depressed. The only fucking reason i'm still alive is because no matter how hard i try, the end of my sleeping pills wont work, and i dont have anything else to fuckign shove down my throat. Alcohol isnt enough and neither is weed. I need friends, girlfriend, i new life, a new everything.
FUCK YOU!

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 23:45:13 GMT

Today is the worst day ever.
I am the worst person ever.

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 01:01:37 GMT

Went ot the mall today with my paycheckkk! Twas fun : ] I bought:
A skirt
A purse
A skeleton shirt
A Hello Kitty sweater
A thermal skull shirt
2 necklaces
A stripped brown shirt
Haunted by Palahniuk
A cigg case with a robot
And
A cigg case with Bettie Page
It was awsome, until we went over to Ashleys... Her uncle Rick is crazy. We had a beer with him but his brain is so fucking fried from, everything i guess, wierdo. But tonight i finally have Tylenol PM so i can sleep. Tomorrow i work a 9 hour day, but it will go by faster since i work with Tory...
Ok, well i took my PM quite a while ago and its most deff kicking in. Plus Footloose is on TV and i wanna watch it : ]
Peace.

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 01:06:34 GMT

I have a pinched nerve in my knee... I cried about 4 times today at work because of it. Thank go they let me out early. I have practically no life anymore, they work me noon to close 5 days a week. Blah, it sucks but its good money...
I miss Shawn : [ He needs to come home ASAP.

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 02:17:35 GMT

So today was my first say at work!!!
I work at the Cape Porpuse Kitchen (or however your spell porpuse)! It's really fun but really blah. I got home from working 9 to 3 and crashed until about 5. Now i have to open tomorrow with Sasha, fun... haha! All the girls that work there are nice though, its a good time overall. Now after working 6:30 to noon, i get to drive and hour and a half to NH to visit baby. I called him back not too long ago and he didnt seem to excited : [
Oh well!!

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 02:50:47 GMT

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 02:59:55 GMT

I wish i was like Marla Singer.
The.End.

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:13:26 GMT

Ok update...
I feel like shit.
Never-fucking-mind.

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 00:35:24 GMT

i love shawn.
shawn loves me.

ho hum, life is wonderful!
Summer school is almost over, and summer vaction is going by quite slow actually. Its nice : ] but anyway, i've been having oodlez and noodlez of fun fun fun!

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 03:24:43 GMT

High. For the second night in a row.
I just saved hello kitties life!! Go K to the Elsey! Sorry i'm so retarded everyone.
i'm out,
peaaaace!!

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 23:31:35 GMT

I'm under the influence and in dire need ofa little chat with the LJ gods.

Ok. Well that was boring...

Watching Snatch and thinking how cool it would be to have a life like that movie.
Ah, imagination.

Having a pool/bonfire party, well not really a party more a "get together". Is there a difference?

Oh yeah, as this fellow next to me <--shawny--<<< reminded me. He is spending the night!!! I'm uber happy, we will have so much fun tonight. I feel like a 5 year old writting in a diary : [

Blah. Bye.

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 06:29:41 GMT

So here i sit again, sleepless in kennebunk. *sad panda* I hate not being able to sleep, i cant find my melatonin anywhere... I've just spent the past half hour looking for it, and i'm still not tired from the stress and physical strain of trying to find it.
I cried today. Not as much as i really needed to, i tried my hardest not to let loose. It was really hard. I just need a really good cry.
116, time to freak out again. I almost miss my fuzzy headed nights...
I have no friends. It sucks. Oh well, nothing new anyway i guess... I never have, never will.
Its raining out, really hard. I miss the old days. I'm so tired and everythigns choppy and nothings making sense. Well it is to me. The movie on TV is sad and the song thats playing in hte background is making me want to cry, i think its dave matthews or some shit. Who knows...I dont. I need to get away again. I'm going insane, but no one knows. I'm being my "normal" kelsey...but really i'm so fucked up lately that i zone out every second of the day, i dont give a shit about what anyone has to say, when i drive, i hope more than anything that i will get hit... i pray that in the split second that an 18 wheeler drives by me, i can turn the wheel the right way...
Wow, i'm very emotional, suicidal, crazy. My vision is always blurry and i eat too much.
I'm gunna die.

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 14:54:45 GMT

So the dance show is tuesday and wendsday and i'm in 4, possibly 5 if shawn decides to do it or lizzie decides to split the nights. This show actually isnt as stressful as all the prior ones, how strange...I almost miss the feeling. Today i get to go to Kohls with 50 DOLLARS!!! I'm pretty happy i hope i can find what i need plus some cute shirts and maybe a skirt...i'm in dier need : [
Well thats all, Ta-Ra for now.

Tue, 30 May 2006 02:39:05 GMT

So this is my NEW LAYOUT!!! i love it, i think its the cutest thing ever.
Moving on.
Hung out with Jenny, Kay, Christopher, and a little bit of Curtis on Saturday. Twas a blast. Then Shawn and i went to a BBQ at keepers, but didnt eat there - we went to rapid rays! We camped in Shawns backyard, had a grand time *wink wink* Then had yet another BBQ at 2. But thennnn Keeper called and we ended up going swimming at the pipeline. I cut my foot up. THE END!!!
pea.ess. i'm still dead inside from that STUPID SHOE SONG!!!
f.you.

Fri, 26 May 2006 01:40:33 GMT

Once you are tagged you MUST write an entry about 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next six people to be tagged and list their names.

1) I dont like ice cream as much as i say i do...i actually kind of hate it
2) I cant change the channel when Cops is on
3) I'm a little OCD - if i accidentaly hit something once with my left/right hand i have to hit it an even number of times or until i feel comfortable after, then do exactly the same with the other hand
4) I get antsy if i dont have soda
5) I have to drive with one hand to feel comfortable
6) I cant shop alone

I tag...
I'm to lazy to tag anyone. Just do it if you want to.

Tue, 23 May 2006 19:53:44 GMT

Well now, here i am again. Blarg.
Today was horrible. I cant help but feel really sad whenever i'm happy, like i'm doing something wrong or cheating myself out of something. Which i'm not. Have you ever woken up and felt like no one else was alive? Like you were the only person left on earth...talk about feeling crumby : [ I cried in the bathroom first block and third block, the worst part is i dont know why. I hate everyone, everyones too materialistic, even i'm guilty of it. I just hate it so fucking much! I cant have a serious conversation with anyone anymore, it always turns into a joke or i get mad or pissed off. Everyones pissing me off lately... poo on you. Die. Why am i never good enough for anything? I'm always the one people dump their problems on... But no one listens to mine. Well... chris does, but i havent talked to him in week or so. I still find it amazing how people can be so self centered without even knowing it...Everyone is. Even me.
Ok i'm really sad again...
The. Fucking. End.

Wed, 17 May 2006 02:37:05 GMT

What drives me crazy is being so blind.
I'm sorry I never knew...
I'm sorry...I never asked if you were really ok...

Tue, 16 May 2006 04:15:49 GMT

Americas Funniest Home Videos with Bob Sagget is amazing. End of fucking story.
Shawn is spending the night, well more like once my mom goes to bed i'm gunna go pick him up and we are leaving before she wakes up tomorrow morning.
Ok. Bye.

Mon, 08 May 2006 08:38:41 GMT

Tonight looks like a rant : ] Here we go kiddies, your in for it now -
Ho Hum.
So here it is, 4.09 in the morning and i cant sleep a wink. I hate these periods of time where i just cant sleep...Oh well, what is there to do? Nothing i suppose. This weekend was wonderful, i got to spend it with my love!!! I love it when someone spends the day with you or they lay in your bed all day and the second you lay your head down on your pillow or when you turn your head to the side - you smell that person. Its wonderful, I think the only good moment of being away from someone. I worked with Shawn and his dad today, it was fun!!! For once in a long while i felt like i was actually doing something, not just sitting at home on ass watching tv, eating food, and getting fat : [ I cant wait to start helping my cousin too, that will be so much fun!!! Not only do i love construction, but i havent simply talked with my cousin in forever and hes one of the only two cool ones on my dads side.
La De Da.
I'm uber bored and have nothing to write about!!! GO ME!!! Not. Grr. Whatever. Postsecret isnt working : [ And i just got the taste of Vicodin in the back of my throat... how strange. I'm kinda sad that Virginia didnt call me, i miss her deeply. HEAR THAT JEN JEN??? I MISS YOU!!!
I've said it before and i'll say it again, i miss acting. I love the dancing, its keeping me occupied but i miss acting way to much. Last show i was in was fucking Sound Of Music...and that was forever a time ago. I thought Playreading was going to help a little considering the simple classes worked the past two years...but the whole crew *with the exception of a few* quite frankly sucks. They dont take it seriously... it makes me sad. Oh well.
I need to find a new counselor...at least i was avoiding my mom and conflicts for the most part. Now, I'll admit, i pick fights...with everyone. It gets my anger out. Speaking of anger, its coming back really bad. It was going away for a while, but alas, here i am again punching things, wanting to hurt myself, screaming, and crying...endlessly : ] Joy. Pure Bliss...
I'm becoming afraid of the future. Not what it holds for me, but what i choose to do with it. I'm just afraid i wont go anywhere, i wont achieve my potential, i'll be just... like... my mother.

When did the
future switch
from being a promise
to being a threat?

I'm done. And i'm suprised this rant wasnt as long as my million others that come along every once in a while...

Thu, 04 May 2006 01:57:54 GMT

Keit came to school with me today - he had fun *i think*, then we had a nice conversation about the death penalty while listening to Beethoven, then we went out to dinner at Great Wall, then a wonderful trip to the mall including buying the new Tool cd and a Blind Guardian cd!! But all when down the drain when my car stalled like...a billion times. So now its in the parkinglot of Bullmoose. It was funny though whe these two middle aged men asken me for smokes, they offered me 5 dollars for one! Why didnt they just go buy a pack?? Then they walked past once more, asking if i was on the phone with the cops - maybe they were on the run!!!
Haha
And so concludes my day.

Mon, 01 May 2006 03:36:53 GMT

I'M HOME!!!
So - Rhode Island was a boring, mean, good shopping, bad food, tiring state. I got four shirts, a sweatshirt, and a pair of shorts : ]
I'm tired as fuck, hungry, and in need of a good massage : [
That is all.

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 00:12:03 GMT

Today I picked flowers with cherish.
Then i drove around kennebunkport and the beach while listening to Beethoven.
Twas nice.

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 03:35:30 GMT

I cant fucking sleep.
I'm sick to my stomach.
For no reason at all.
I was doing good with getting back on a sleeping schedule then vacation had to come along and ruin all of it : [ There is a possum on tv. wow. Grr. I'm so done with this shite.